Traci’s Corner Office! 11/09

Traci 11-07-09

 

So, last night I decided to venture out into the art scene. It was First Fridays at the Museum of Contemporary Art and I figured I’d go with my girlfriend and then call it an early night. We were to meet up at 7 but my friend missed her train and would get into the city a bit later, so I decided to go on ahead of her and meet her when she got there. When I got to the MCA it was packed…there were alot of good looking men in the place but really I wasn’t even thinking about meeting anyone. Well I was pleasantly surprised when I guy started talking to me about an exhibit we were both looking at. Turns out he is from Europe and he works nearby and lives in the city. He asked for my number and he called me today…so we’ll see…

By they way, I’ve been going to the MCA for years no, and NO ONE has ever talked to me…now, I don’t know if it’s because I changed my attitude or maybe it’s because of what they say is true, you will get approached if you aren’t with a bunch of women (and if you look approachable!)…but I think that’s worth mentioning. Like CW says: DO NOT let fear stop you from exploring!

Traci 10-19-09

Hey CW -

You know…Everytime I think that maybe interracial dating is something that I hear about but can’t actually SEE for myself, I am pleasantly surprised. I know I have said on numerous posts that I have seen several BW/WM-nonWM couples…but today…I was able to peek into the life of one. This married couple live in a five bedroom home and have two children. The husband owns his own business and the wife stays at home with the children. The interaction between the wife, husband and children was absolutely adorable! There was a certain feeling I got about the husband, that he wanted to “be around” just in case his wife needed anything and was there to protect his family. He was extremely attentive and when it was time for him to “disappear” and give his wife some alone time…he did just that. This man was very nice and complementary and his wife was absolutely beautiful, both inside and out. When asked about how the family perceived the relationship the majority didn’t have a problem with the union and the ones that did – it didn’t matter. They love each other, it’s as simple as that.

Of course everybody and everyone will have their challenges in marriage, but that isn’t the reason of this post – basically what I’m trying to get across that there are QUALITY white men/non black men that WILL marry you! If there isn’t a quality black man around, don’t be afraid to date (and marry!!!) the quality white man/non-black man…QUALITY…that’s what it’s all about… Ladies, this can be OUR reality, let’s keep pushing forward!

Traci

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Traci 09/15/09

The other day I was walking across the LaSalle bridge and I noticed a white man staring intently in my direction. I smiled at him and walked past. He turned around and called out to me saying “Excuse me!” I turned around and he asked me “Can I ask you a question?” I said sure and I honestly thought he was going to ask for directions. He asked me, “How do you tell a woman that she is very beautiful and she has brightened up his morning?” I started to laugh and he laughed along with me and I said, “Well I think you just have to tell her.” (Because I wanted to hear it…and to see if he had the guts to repeat it.) So he told me I was beautiful and I brightend up his morning (awwww). So he asked for my number (right after he asked if I was seeing anyone) and I gave it to him (actually wrote it down on a piece of paper for him because he didn’t have his cell phone on him). However he has not called and it’s been over a week – which means I don’t expect him to call (I choose to believe that he misplaced the paper I wrote my number on). But honestly I think there was a lesson I was supposed to learn that day. Remember I was telling you that I don’t know how to let a man know that I’m interested. CW, all I did was SMILE at him and he came to ME…so I think that was my lesson. PLUS that experience – it was SO refreshing because that’s EXACTLY how a man should approach a woman and  I think that was God’s way of showing me that all I have to do is be approachable, smile and let them do the rest. Men truly like the hunt!

So i thought I would share that with you and if you think it’s something someone could benefit from please feel free to post on your new blog – Maybe use it as Evia or Sara says a “teachable moment”.

I will talk to you soon!

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Traci 07/16/09

Wow…all this week, it seems like I stumble upon more and more information for BW… this week what I’ve taken from the information is that everything boils down to LEAVING the Black Community. I think that’s where it all starts – for your mental as well as physical well being. You must leave. I don’t think there’s anything left to be said about that.

I knew of one woman who tried to justify her “living” in the BC. She would always ask me to come over…she would say “there’s some good pockets in some areas, you should be safe”… should? um NO! I wouldn’t even entertain the thought. I asked her, “WHY would you think I would want to go over there?” I think just knowing that if something happened I would have to get myself out of that area…why would I subject myself to that? As far as I know I only have ONE LIFE on this planet.

She would have the nerve to get upset and try to argue me down about how it wasn’t “so bad”, and everybody thinks that the area is rough…hello…IT IS! I would point out to her that the very fact that she can hear her neighbors (all 10 of them) in her apartment at all times of day and night – and they can hear her – should tell you something. I would ask, are you happy with that? Subpar living like that? Music at all times of night, arguing, fist-fighting, drug dealing in the hallway (police never come around)…are you FOR REAL? Your area is on the news every other day (shootings, gangs, drive-bys)…I would think to myself “Come on, is she serious”? She was.

Since I wasn’t coming over she then wanted to “talk” about the issues. She would like to get into debates with me about why the BC and the BM were how they are…I told her I didn’t have the time. She seemed like she wanted to indulge in pity parties and constantly wore the “woe is me” sign around her neck. Incredible. Needless to say we are no longer friends.

I can’t understand for the life of me why some black women love to hold on to the black community. I just don’t understand it. If someone out there could explain it to me, maybe I could understand and then when someone talks to me about visiting the area…I might reconsider…

NOT!!!!

PLEASE! I LOVE my diversified neighborhood…I love my friends of all nationalities, cultures and colors. It’s SO wonderful being able to walk down the streets at night without holding your breath. It’s wonderful to be able to shop and not practically having your head on a swivel in case someone tries to snatch your purse or bags. I LOVE having not one, not two, but four grocery stores in the area to choose from…and not being regulated to having to go to the same old store because that’s the only one that is left in the neighborhood. Visible police. Good hospitals nearby. PLENTY of cultural events and things to do. Don’t have to worry about street harassment because I don’t even look “the brothas” in the eye, plus I think the vibe I give off says I won’t tolerate it. And, best of all, I must say PLENTY of non-BM/White men eye candy – all shapes, sizes, and a rainbow of colors. (Lawd…;-)

I can’t say I would have this in an all black community. In fact, I know I wouldn’t.

For goodness sake BW!!!, let it go already…THERE IS NO MORE BLACK COMMUNITY…it’s gone…as you need to be.

(and if anyone needs help on how to make that happen just let me know)

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So the other day I was sitting in the food court with my friend eating lunch. I noticed this older, married BM staring at me…but it wasn’t my face he was staring at. Apparently he was getting his kicks trying to look between my legs (I was wearing a dress). When I noticed what he was doing I gave him a dirty look. Then I recognized him and realized this was the same BM I had seen a year ago, looking at me. I made mention of this to my friend and we got up and left.

Next day, same food court…I see him…he decides to face me and wants to stare at my face this time. I tell my friend and she moves to block him and I move so I’m out of his view. As he moves to try to see me, I move out of his view. We did that back and forth about five times. Finally he gets up to go get a napkin and then he sits down with his back facing me.

Now, usually I would leave it alone, but I realize he probably had been staring at me and my body parts while I was unaware for as long as I been to that food court. The fact that he was old enough to be my father, married, and a pervert totally disgusted me. So I said real loudly at the back of his head:

“I guess he thinks I don’t see him looking at me…he’s TOO OLD to be a pervert. I tell you if I EVER see him with his wife I’m gonna ask her how does she like being married to a pervert! It’s incredible how you can be THAT OLD AND UGLY and you are a pervert.”

I just went on and on…until…he got up and left.

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Traci 06-05-09

Oh CW…Reggie is not speaking to me now. boo hoo…Ha!

(CW: I bet you’re just suicidal over that Traci…HA!)

IF I get a “Good Morning” it’s rare. THANK GOODNESS! You know, I’ve decided that with these doorman you can’t be friendly, because they want something from you. They see you go to work everyday, you live in a decent place, try to keep yourself together, and they think they are entitled to be with you. Unbelievable. And it’s not just them…it’s the cooks, waiters, street cleaners, garbage men…what? Nooooo….

An old boyfriend of mine contacted me out of the blue the other day. I didn’t contact him back. Let me tell you, some would probably ask me what is my problem…here’s a BM that’s educated, got a good job, looks nice. What is MY problem?  Ah, but you see…he’s a DBRBM…how do I know? Remember, he was my old boyfriend. Back then I didn’t figure it out at the time. But now, after my education from all these blogs…he is definitely a damaged beyond repair black man…and although I would LOVE to say people change, most times, they do not. I may be single but I’m not desperate and one thing I do know a DBRBM will waste your time…if you let them. So I threw him back into the pond…maybe one of those “nothing but a black man” sistas can straighten him out. Ha!

Speaking of men: Can the good looking white man that was checking me out this Tuesday on Michigan Avenue please be there today? Once again…I’m not paying attention….I was coming from the gym and I was looking tired…but I guess not tired enough for this white man to check me out from the distance. Of course I didn’t think he was looking at me…until we got really close and I gave him this look of “What are you looking at?” I KNOW I KNOW…I gotta work on that…seriously. Oh well. I could just kick myself!

But hey guess what? I completed the Solider Field 10 Mile race. It was really cool. Ran 5 miles down to 51st street then turned back around and ran 5 miles back finishing inside Solider Field. What an accomplishment (if I must say so myself)! I wanted to do a half marathon this year but everything is sold out. Next year definitely. I am now officially a “runner”.

Signed up for Spanish classes. Decided that once I’m fluent I’m going to travel, travel, travel. I may be at an advantage as alot of my friends are Latinos, so I can practice on them. My Asian friend is going to teach me Chinese. We have this joke when we are in Chinatown. I always say to her I’m going to order for us in Chinese…we both laugh…that won’t happen…we’d starve to the if I was to order in Chinese!

CW I have to say things are good…very good.

I get reports from friends about what’s going on back in my old neighborhood…you know, the black community. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m glad I moved. I’ve come to realize that not only did I physically move but I mentally moved as well. My mind has shifted to a place of peace and contentment. I’m very happy now. And no, don’t have a boyfriend yet, but it will come. At least now I’m at a place where I know that my options are definitely not limited.

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I was out and about last weekend and I saw the most amazing thing…I couldn’t believe my eyes…I saw not one, not two or three…but five WM/BW couples. I was grinning from ear to ear. I also saw the most beautiful bridal party. They were taking pictures in Millenium Park and the groom was white and the bride was black. All her bridesmaids were black and his groomsmen were Black, White and Indian. It was really something to see! Again, I’m grinning from ear to ear.

I think more and more of us are getting it.

CW’s Comments: YES WE ARE TRACI! This little site alone gets about two to three-thousand, on average, visitors a week…And the links provided here recieve a lot of traffic as well…I am seeing more BW IR couple than EVER…My prayer is that more BW take their happiness and futures more seriously…

My doorman (yes, ‘ol Reggie is back) wanted to take me to a baseball game last week. When I immediately refused he had the nerve to ask WHY NOT and wanted an answer. He has told me he has been divorced 3 times, no kids (that he claims), twice my age and hangs around my DBR uncle (small world, huh?). Those “qualities” alone tell me that there is absolutely nothing to explore there and to move on – We aren’t on the same mental level and never will be. BW need to identify what level the person  is on before you let them in your life.

Just because we the same shade means absolutely nothing.

CW’s Comments:  Hi Traci…Once again THANKS SO MUCH for your contributions…And please keep up the feedback…We know that ‘ol Reg is a loser…Even if Traci shared her reasons for rejecting this opportunity to mess up her life ‘opportunity of a lifetime’ , Reggie the  doorman would not respect that…Reggie would become even more antagonistic due to his misplaced entitlement…Now what the hell does ANY woman want with a doorman twice her age who has been married 3x???? I could not imagine! To delve further into what’s going on in Reggie’s heart and spirit:  He offers to take Traci to a baseball game…Probably something he had tickets to anyway…More than likely tickets he got from a friend or something along that line…An event for ONLY his benefit (I bet Reggie didn’t ask whether or not Traci even remotely LIKED baseball…I  personally would love to go to a baseball game, along with many other women… Albeit not with a ‘Reggie’ )…However, this is a typical ‘Reggie’ maneuver: A Date of Convenience & Opportunity…Sounds more like a rape and/or highway robbery…No Thanks! No effort, no planning, no cultural-awareness and no class…That my friends is more than likely why Reggie  is thrice divorced, middle-aged and a doorman….

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Traci & CW Discuss Steve Harvey ***COMING SOON***

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Random thoughts for today

“Weather”

Is it spring yet?

“Having ‘Nothing but a BM’ girlfriends”

If you find yourself in the mix of BW who date BM only and frown on you dating WM/Non BM…you need to get new girlfriends. Period. Point. Blank. Most of my girlfriends are Latina, Pakistan, and Asian…with a few BW who date WM…you need to surround yourself with like minded women…doesn’t matter what color they are. Let those BW be…waiting on that BM to come…you go out and have fun with the WM/Non WM that want you.

“Another way of Meeting White/Non Black Men”

Running. Just recently I participated in an 8k race. 13,000 people were in the race…majority WM/Non Black Men. It was fantastic! That’s a great way to meet a ton of people. I plan on doing 3 more races this year. Not only is it a great way to meet people but the shape that you will get in for the training is unbelieveable! I’ve lost 10 pounds already. I was thinking about joining a running club but I found 5 women from my gym that are running the same races…so if you need to get in shape, want to meet new men this is a good way to do it. Not only that most of these races give you a T shirt and bag which you can wear to get you noticed and it’s a great conversation piece. Some of these races have walks as well so if you can’t run, then do the walk…but get out there. You’ll really have a great time.

“BM Doorman who are trying to hook up”

I have basically resorted to having to be rude and not speak as these men are trying to “date” me.  Now I’m being labeled as stuck up but that’s better than having “hey baby, hey sista” everytime I walk through the lobby.

“WM on the street”

I don’t know if I fixed my hair different or if it’s because I’ve lost weight but I notice I’m getting much more attention from WM on the street. They have smiled, said hello more often now. Some have just started up conversations. That’s a good thing. I was wondering if I was giving off a friendly vibe lately…seems like I am…

CW I can’t wait until summer! I’ve seen alot of BW/WM couple lately. I’m so so so overjoyed! Even when I went to visit my grandmother I saw an BW/WM couple about 80 plus years…I had to laugh…they were so cute.

Talk to you soon.

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March ‘09

This kinda mess just heats me up!

http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Prison-Vs-College.html

I just LOVE this part “With these statistics, who are young black

women going to marry?

…I’m so pissed I could cuss!

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Fall and Winter 2006 – Out of a relationship with a DBRBM, I decided
to move (physically) out of the black community to a diverse
neighborhood. (When I say diverse, that means everything – white,
black, asian, mexican, everything…AND I didn’t pick a neighborhood 2
minutes from the black community.) The reasons for the move were
many. As usual, my ex, didn’t take rejection very well and I was being
harassed for a very long time. Also, the community was changing
rapidly. It went from being the first diverse community since World
War II to becoming an all black neighborhood. I had to go! That was
the first breakthrough.Spring 2007 – Now that I was out of the BC and into the city, I
started to notice my surroundings, and getting use to the
neighborhood. I knew I wanted a mate that was of quality. This is when
I start to come to terms with me being strongly attracted to WM. I
started realizing that I needed to make another change in my life
(mentally). MAYBE interracial dating was the route for me. I was still
apprehensive because I wasn’t 100% sure if that was the way to go. I
mean, it’s a pretty heavy thing to deal with. What would my parents
think? What about my friends? Luckily with my friends, they all have
married outside their race. They would be the first to understand.
That’s why I say it’s important to have friends of different races.
Getting a perspective from them is very refreshing and enlightening.
(That’s another post, if anyone is interested. I can definitely talk
about that later.) And as far as my parents, after bluntly saying to
them, “Look he’s not going to be black” – they said as long as I was
happy, that was the most important thing. Whew! That took the burden
off me.(Let me just say that now I know that you need to live your live FOR
YOU. I love my parents and friends dearly but I make my own decisions,
no approval needed. But at the time…I wasn’t so strong.)Summertime 2007 – Ah, my first summertime in the big city! I was
acknowledging the reality of the situation and that reality was seeing
various BM with WW. I didn’t have a problem with that at all…but I
wanted to know where the BW were with their WM/NonBM? I saw a few
(like I said at the Taste of Chicago) but not as many as I wanted. By
now, I’m meeting WM, and my attraction to them continues to grow. I’m
also meeting Non BM and I uncover my attraction to them as well. My
mental state of mind is starting to shift strongly towards interracial
dating. But I am unsure if they are attracted to BW. Still
apprehensive.

 

Fall and Winter 2007 – After doing alot of people watching I’m
starting to realize that WM/Non BM are checking out BW. And not only
are they checking out BW, but they are checking ME out. I had to come
to terms with this because it put me in the position of being an
attractive person. Not saying that I thought I was ugly, but again, I
was still mentally shifting and realizing that men, regardless of
their color find BW attractive.

During this time of reflection I made one cruical mistake – I made
friends with a DBRBW. She said she was all for interracial dating and
I forged a bond with her because I thought we were on the same path.
However, she was extremely negative, insecure, dishonest with me and
dishonest with herself and her reasons for wanting to interracially
date. (Another post, if interested.)

Spring 2008 and Summertime 2008 – Telling myself that the only thing
that I can change is myself. Then actually deciding to make that
change. Putting words to action. I’m attracted to WM and NonBM and
they are attracted to me! Men are opening doors for me. Making small
talk….everywhere I go. Things are definitely shifting to a more
positive direction!

By the way, the DBRBW that I befriended had mysteriously disappeared
all summer. I believe that she was still dating black men. However she
owed me no explanation, as it was her life. But as I think about it,
was her absence the reason that my life was more positive?

Fall and Winter 2008 – I decide to take the bull by the horns, got a
gym membership, joined a church and started to volunteer. Making
myself into the best person I can possibly be. Really putting myself
out there.

At this point the DBRBW comes into my life again, but after a falling
out, we no longer speak. (On either Evia’s blog or Halima’s blog there
was a comment that said “just like with men, we need to VET the women
too”…that is SO TRUE.) After cutting her completely out of my life,
I get connected to people that invite me to various dinners, social
events, etc. (Hmmm, coincidence? I think not.) I start to make
positive resolutions/affirmations OUT LOUD (example, saying I was not
staying at home for New Year’s Eve and I didn’t! Saying I was going to
meet a man on NYE and I did!)

Now I’m in 2009…who knows what’s in store! Whatever it is, I’m ready!

I guess I wanted to share this because, it so much more than “Hey I
want to date outside my race”. It’s the personal journey that I had to
allow myself to take in order for the best person I can possibly be to
LIVE. It’s not an easy road – much change was involved – but I think
it’s worth it.

Just something to think about.

Bye for now!

 

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Just a few things I’ve got to say:

1) Somebody needs to stage an intervention for Rhianna if it’s true
that she’s going back to Chris Brown. Let’s pray that someone helps
that young lady out. I shudder to think of the message it’s giving BW,
young and old.
2) Sorry Madonnna DOES NOT LOOK like she’s 30 years old. Her body is
fantastic, but her face? Nooooo…sorry. And these women are
believing the hype. Yeah okay. You ain’t selling me on that one.
3) If I hear Jennifer Anniston talk about Brad Pitt and Angie one more
time…I’m gonna scream…get over it…that blonde hair, blue eyes
couldn’t keep him interested. And I’m sorry but John Mayer don’t want
you either…he’s waiting on me. LOL!!!
4) Working out is good for you. We need it. Do it!
5) I truly believe that we (BW) are getting it. I see it more and more
now…more BW/WM relationships. I saw a few last year, this year I’m
extremely optimistic…and hopefully my mate will find me soon!

Talk to you soon!

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“My Top Five Ways of Meeting White/Non Black Men”

> I was just on Evia’s blog the other day and a woman wrote to her to
> ask her how to meet WM/nonBM on a casual basis. I just wanted to share
> some ways that I have done it:
>
> My Top Five of Meeting White/Non Black Men
>
>
> 1) Volunteering. I have met several WM/nonBM at the organization I am
> involved in.
>
> 2) Church: I also volunteer at my church and have picked one
> particular area that I help out every Sunday, from there I know the
> coordinator who is a white male and then all the other men in the
> group, mostly WM/nonBM. This will only work if the church is extremely
> diverse.
>
> 3) Hobbies: if you have any type of hobby you will definitely meet
> WM/nonBM in a class. So for example painting, dancing…anything like
> that. And you don’t necessarily have to be an artist or a dancer, but
> let’s say you just enjoy watching…do that. Go to art shows, live
> music, dance recitals. You will meet tons of WM/nonBM.
>
>
> 4) Neighborhood: I can’t stress this enough…MOVE if you are in an
> all black community. Because you aren’t gonna meet WM/nonBM in that
> community. Sorry, you may disagree but I believe that’s the truth. I
> know many WM/nonBM in the building where I live. Also, because I go to
> the same grocery stores on a regular basis, many of the workers who
> are WM/nonBM have become to know me and speak.
>
> 5) Gym: I take regular classes that men would take…example Spin
> class…not a ton of men, but the ones that are regulars, if I see
> them outside of the gym we speak.
>
> I could probably go on and on, because now that I’m thinking about it,
> these WM/nonBM are everywhere!
>
> But I do have to say if you find yourself a bit “scared” to talk, it
> doesn’t matter how you position yourself, you need to work on that
> first…being approachable, learning to make small talk. There is
> nothing wrong with being confident or giving off the confident air,
> it’s how APPROACHABLE you are. Example, Oprah Winfrey is extremely
> confident, but she can talk to just about anyone on the face of the
> earth and people WANT to talk to her. See what I’m saying?
>
> Once you start, it gets easier.
>
> Anyway that was just my two cents.
>
> Talk to you soon!

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I went to the theater (thee a tar…lol!)…And I was very happy to
see the female lead was a black woman. Now, I’m not familiar at all
with Shakespeare, but I don’t believe there have been many black
female leads. Mind you she was the ONLY black woman in the play. Let
me just say that she gave a terrific performance! I was SO HAPPY to
see her up there. She played Lady Macbeth and at one point she had to
take off her top and kiss Macbeth – white male lead. Yes, it was a
terrific play! And Macbeth was HOT! I beginning to realize I like
blonds and redheads alot…hmmm….

It’s still cold in Chicago. Still cold.

CW I’ve decided to lose 30 pounds before the summer hits. Yes it’s an
ambitious goal but I think for health reasons it’s the right one to
make. So don’t be surprised if you hear me moaning and groaning as the
months go by. Talk to you soon!

 

 

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Today at church we had a visiting BM pastor. He started speaking about
his daughter. His daughter wanted him to meet her boyfriend. The
pastor asked his daughter, does he go to church? She said yes. He
asked her, is he truly a God fearing man? She said yes. The pastor
said he would love to meet him. She said, just one minute dad, he’s
white. Pastor said to us, “Well guess who’s coming to dinner!” Of
course we (the congregation) all laughed. The pastor continued to say
he didn’t care what color he was as long as he was a God fearing
Christian man.

They met for dinner and all through dinner the WM was touching the
pastor’s daughters hair. Each time he did that the pastor said he
cringed…The pastor said to us, it wasn’t because he was white, it
was because he was a man and this man was touching his little girl’s
hair any father would have a problem with it! Of course the pastor’s
wife of 32 years told him to calm down. And he did.

The pastor’s daughter and the white man are married with two little boys.The pastor told our congregation we need to expand our social group
and get to learn and love people of different races. He said if he was
to tell his daughter not to marry him simply because he was white, he
would not be doing what the Lord wanted him to do.

 

This was an excellent service today and I just wanted to pass that down to you.

Talk to you soon!

Traci

 

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Feb’09

Hello CWMove move move…

I tell you that was the greatest thing I ever did. Picked up and left
the black community! If you want to live a fulfilled life…truly live
your own life…you need to get out of the black community and carve
out your own existence and experience! The time you have on earth
needs to be spent by (all together now) LIVING WELL!!!

And having said that….It’s Chinese New Year! And I’ve decided to go
out with a group to celebrate!(Back when I was in the black community I didn’t know anything about a
Chinese New Year…because I didn’t have any Asian friends…I was
just surrounded with black people. Mind you, I never had a problem
with having friends of a different race, it’s just that my community
didn’t lend itself to mixing.)

 

However, I met this beautiful (and I say that because she is beautiful
inside and out) Asian woman at a salsa workshop. We immediately
clicked and she invited me out to celebrate.

We decided to go to a restaurant in Logan Square… and celebrate we
did! It was about 10 of us and I met a very nice WM whom I hope to be
able to see again. Ha! I think I’ve become a serial interracial
dater…nothing wrong with that …I am equal opportunity!
Well…to a point…;-)

BW should make it a point to have a diverse circle of friends. Now
that part I realize may be hard to do…especially if you have no
experience talking with people from different races. But I would
suggest to be as open and as friendly as you can. People are people.
Some good some bad. It may take awhile, but if you’re diligent enough
and truly want to be surrounded with diversity, it will happen. And
you have to move out of the black community…it’s a must.

Well…gotta do some work…Talk to you soon!

 

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My best friend asked me the other day, “How come I never thought about
dating interracially sooner?” And…I really didn’t have a good
reason. I was never outright told I couldn’t date interracially, but I
think somehow, especially if you are in the black community, you are
subconsciously conditioned to only date black. And let’s face it,
that’s all you pretty much see…black men. Fortunately for me, I was
exposed to different races when I went to school…in fact, I was one
of only two black people in my elementary school. High school was a
bit different, there was different races and everyone dated everyone.
Our high school was pretty progressive back then. I have a friend “K”
who not only dated the most popular white boy in the high school but
married him and they have 2 children. (And she didn’t get any flack
from anyone because there were other black girls dating white boys and
vice-versa. Nobody had any problem with it. )

So again, back to the question,”How come I never thought about dating
interracially sooner?” I remember in college a white guy asked me if
he could sit next to me during biology and…what did I say? “No. I’m
saving the seat for someone.” Dumb dumb dumb! It was an automatic,
knee jerk reaction. It just rolled out my mouth…By the way, that
same type of thing happened to me many times in college. I told my mom
about it the other day and she just shook her head and said don’t do
that again.

(Oh yes, I’ve had the talk with my parents. They are fully aware that
I will not be bringing a black man home. Rather I should say the
chances are slim and none. Fortunately, my mom is 1000% percent behind
me and my dad will just have to get use to the idea. He wants me to be
happy and you know I’ve come to believe even if I did find a quality
black man my dad would still not be happy because “no one will be good
enough for his little girl.” Awww…)

CW I’m retelling this story because if someone is reading this, please
be aware and take note and not sleep on opportunities. Let the man sit
down…ugh!!!!

——————————————————–

Jan ‘09

#1

“Don’t ever ask me why I don’t date black men”

That’s what I said a post ago. And that’s really not what I meant to
say. I’m not trying to bash BM. Obviously my father is black and in NO
WAY ignorant. He has his E.D.D. (PH.D equivalent) in Education. What I
should have said was “Don’t ask me why I don’t date
“ignorant/disrespectful/arrogant/oh poor me/lying/cheating/no job
having” men. That’s what I should have said. And Reggie the doorman,
who just happens to be black, falls into the ignorant category.I just got a dose of the “oh poor me” man yesterday. Black sales guy
at the AT&T store on Chicago Ave/Rush. I asked him if he would be at
the store in the morning. Most times the response you might get is
“God willing I will be here.” He decides to say “If I don’t get
incarcerated.” I couldn’t believe my ears when he said it. Again, like
with Reggie, I just walked away.

My Mexican friend said to me “I am sure there are lots of great
educated Latino men in the world, I just happen to have not met any of
them.” She married an Italian guy and just had twin boys.

I’m with you girl…Again, I’m not trying to bash BM because that would take too much
effort into what I need to do for myself.

 

That’s all I wanted to say.

 

————————————————————————————

#2

Cold…it’s SO COLD in Chicago. I truly don’t understand this weather.
As I’m thinking about how cold this weather is, it forces me to think
about summer and all I want to accomplish, but that’s another email.This New Year’s I didn’t have a place to go. (Isn’t that something? I
really didn’t want to go out with any of the guys I’ve met this summer
because we are not serious and I’m not sure if I wanted anything to
become too serious with them. Some see New Years as a big deal if
you’re with them…This year I want to meet new people.) So I said to
my mom during Christmas that I was “absolutely not” staying home this
holiday and I was going to go out and meet a bunch of people and
really have a good time. Then later I told my best friend that I was
going to meet a man during New Years. Ha! I was aiming high right? I
mean I had NO PLANS at all. Everyone I spoke to “hated New Years” or
“didn’t want to be bothered”…um okay…but I kept at it. I said to
myself, “I think I need some help with this.” Then I said a quick
prayer to the Lord.

I swear after that my friend Y. called me. She said a group was going
to a Peruvian restaurant up north, and did I want to come? I thought
about it for awhile because I would basically be the only person who
wouldn’t know anyone there. But hey, why not go? Why stay at home?
This is what I asked for, right?

Since I had recently lost 11 pounds I was eager to try on this dress
that I bought years ago. It fit perfectly! I put on my makeup, styled
my hair and off I went.Turns out we were the largest party in the restaurant with about 25-30
people. I tell you we represented the United Nations at the table.
Everything was there, black, white, Latino, Filipino, Asian, African,
german…everything. I really had a good time. And I met a very nice
man, W. and danced with him until it was well past the new year. We
have since kept in touch, he is from Peru and getting his degree from
Harold Washington College. (One thing I’ve noticed, if you go to
diverse places, the chances of you meeting a man who is open to
interracial dating is very high. Check out diverse events in your
neighborhood, salsa dancing is a big one. You might be surprised at
who’s there.)

 

You know, we all make resolutions. But I truly believe resolutions
should be made at any time of the year. Just not at the beginning.
And, having had a very positive experience with New Years I’ve decided
to speak these resolutions in the air, to make them truth, as well as
pray. We’ll see how this goes.

 

—————————————————————-

December, 08

“Change the attitude, you will see results.” That’s what I said in my
last post to you. That is very true. First of all unfortunately it’s
SO COLD in Chicago that the city literally stops. There are hardly any
festivals to go to and while people still try to get together, most of
us go into a deep freeze. So, the potential of meeting new people and
my attitude of going out in that said cold is a bit low. However, I
decided to join a gym. I had been walking past the gym everyday and I
always thought it would be a good idea to do so…knowing that I
probably would benefit from losing weight, better for my health, etc.
So…in October I decided to bite the bullet.Much to my surprise, the gym is like 98% white. A ton of white men!
Like a smorgasboard…ha! Okay, focus…my next step, to really put
this in motion, I decided to get a personal trainer. A man. Now let me
just say, I wanted a man because I know a man would push me a bit
further than a woman would…so, that’s why I wanted a man. We’ve been
training for some time now, and I’ve lost 11 pounds…he’s tough, but
he’s a great motivator. Yes, he’s white. Very nice looking as
well…but no I’m not going there. You have to have some boundaries.
But I will say this, I’ve been noticing that it has become very easy
for me to talk to men in general, especially white men. And they have
no problem speaking back or even initialing conversation. There are
black men personal trainers…and I’ve noticed that I’ll talk to my
trainer and I catch them staring at me. Why? I have no idea. I picked
a man, I didn’t specifically say a white man…we were randomly put
together…I didn’t request any male specifically so why the looks?I am still causally dating a few men I mentioned in my earlier posts.
But I am not committed to anyone right now. I want to keep my options
open. That is such a lovely word…options…that’s what we as black
women have if we just recognize it. The options are there.

——————————————————

Seems like I didn’t tell you about the Italian man I met, here we go:In the summertime on Fridays, I usually walk up to Millenium Park to
see what’s going on. During the summer they have all types of free
concerts and dance festivals. I knew a Gershwin concert was taking
place on Saturday, so as I walked by the park on Friday and saw all
the people going to get seats I was a bit confused about what was
going on. So I decided to see for myself…I walked up to where I
could see down into the seated area and there was in fact something
about to take place. I just kinda stood and watched and out the corner
of my eye I noticed that the man next to me was staring at me. At
first I thought he was looking past me but after the 3rd time I
realized he was looking at me. I didn’t think anything of it but I
noticed he had a program in his hands. I asked him what program was
starting and he told me it’s another Gershwin concert. He started to
say that he didn’t realize all of these concerts took place and I told
him Chicago is wonderful during the summertime!We chit chatted some more and I told him about this lecture I attended
at The School of the Art Institute on Thursday about paintings and
their renderings and he seemed really impressed. Now I have to admit I
didn’t know if he was impressed by me attending a lecture or that I
could articulate what I learned or that I was a woman of color
attending a lecture and could articulate what I learned (see some old
thought patterns are hard to get rid of). In any case we talked for
about an hour or so. And then moved our conversation to the nearest
Starbucks where he bought me a green tea and himself a coffee. I
learned he was first generation Italian and he was from Michigan and
just moved to the city. He once lived in Italy and Spain. Fluent in 2
languages…and he thought I was the nicest person he had ever met. We
exchanged numbers and we have been talking for a bit now…but due to
his schedule it’s hard for us to get together and see each other. But
we do stay in touch.

I am definitely meeting alot of different type men, which is a good
thing…having options is something every woman should have.

————————————————–

Okay, I’m truly convinced…white men fantasize about us. And I have PROOF!!!Sometimes when a coworker’s spouse is in the city they sometimes stop
into the office. No big deal. It’s been done when a spouse just had a
baby, a birthday, doing something with their kids. So a spouse
dropping by the office is no big deal. Like I said it happens all the
time. A coworker of mine (a white man, let’s call him David) had his
wife stop in and their two kids. She was taking the kids to the park
and they were all going to have lunch together. You could hear the
little kids running up and down the halls and a few “nice to meet
yous” in the air. No big deal. So me and another one of my coworkers
were in the hallway and here come the two kids running at us. Then we
notice the wife behind them. David comes up and says to his wife,
“This is Traci! The fabulous marketing and web guru!”
Now…hmmmm….that introduction was a bit weird and suspect,
especially when he didn’t do the same for my other coworker who was
standing in front of me…but okay I’ll take it. So the wife says,
“Wait now which one is Traci?” and proceeded to reach past my coworker
to shake MY hand first. Again…weird but I brushed it off because
truthfully David is a bit weird so I figured his wife would be as
well.Later, though, I catch her looking at me up and down…so now I’m like
okay, what’s up?

During lunch a few days later I decide to tell my best friend…she
starts laughing and says “Well David obviously has been talking about
you to her…” I almost spit my soup in her face…I say “What?” How
can you talk about someone you have little interaction with?” I sit in
an entirely different section and I only see him on Thursdays when we
have a group meeting. She said “All I’m saying is that there is no
reason for his wife to have to know EXACTLY who YOU are, to look you
up and down…unless something was said at home…” We decided tell
the story to another white male coworker of ours and he said the same
thing…that David had to be talking about me at home so she decided
to see just who this”Traci” was.

(And let me say this: first, like I stated, he’s married – I don’t do
that, second, definitely not my type…see to all you people talking
about all black women want is a white man with money…um no…their
has to be an attraction element in there. No attraction on my part
from me to him!!!)I naively brush off what their saying thinking they are just having
fun at my expense…until the holiday party…We all get on a bus to
go to the restaurant (Zed 452 on Clark). I purposely sit in the front
of the bus so I can get off first and have my choice of seats at the
dinner table…he’s in the back and gets off the bus last…so I’m
thinking there is NO WAY he would sit….by….me…Wait. A. Minute.
Somehow he pops from around the corner (what?) and now is standing
directly in front of me (how did that happen???) and has his hand on
the seat directly in front of me (are you kidding me!!!). Thankfully
Fred our IT guy said he needed to sit there (whew!!!) and it was all I
could do not to give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

After dinner and after all of us had several glasses of wine, I’m
speaking to my coworker and he tries to throw in a little mack daddy
vibe to me, “How you doing? How’s your night going? Want to share some
dessert with me – want some ice cream” (oh no!!!). I quickly rebuff
him and move from the table…I will blame that on the ever flowing
wine.

So…there’s my proof…if you’re still not convince, I’m sure I will
have more examples later. We have another holiday celebration coming
up…even if it wasn’t proof…I must admit was kinda tickled that
this white woman came up to the job to see exactly who I was…

very interesting.

 

————————————————-

I have a black doorman in my apartment building, who has been trying
to “date” me ever since he’s been there. That’s not about to happen,
but anyway, last night when I came into my apartment building he
motioned for me and two other white residents to come over to his
desk. He needed to speak to us about Christmas and the charity that
was going on. We went over to his desk and he took out a piece of
paper. He said, “Santa Claw…” I stopped him, thinking he was joking,
and said “Santa Clausssss….Reggie, he has an S on his name.” He
said, “Hey, I’m from the hood. Dat’s how we pronounce it.” I just
walked away.Don’t ever ask me why I don’t date black men…

———————————————————————————-

#1 New Post:
So the other day, a friend and I had coffee…she was complaining that
all she was meeting were “losers”. I bluntly told her that she is a
reflection of what she is getting. Sounds harsh but it’s so true. If
we don’t think we deserve better, we won’t get better. But I won’t
start rehashing what you CW, Halima, and Sara have been saying all
along. Y’all can do it way better than me. This post was about me
dating IR in Chicago. Well I must admit, I started to wonder what the
heck was going on? No dates, no prospects, not even some
flirting…nothing. Was it me? Well of course it was…it was my
attitude. My attittude? Why, I have a great attitude. Um, no I didn’t.
Saying that you are open and then actually projecting that is two
totally different things. That’s when I conciously made a mental shift
in my thinking. Something clicked, and now here I am. Once I made that
shift, I started to notice that men – all colors – began to speak,
hold doors, make small talk with me. Hmmm…am I on to something?

#2 New post:
Oh Summertime in Chicago…so so nice! If you ever get the chance CW
you need to check it out. Plenty of things to do! One of the best
things I like to do is dance…and the city has SummerDance in Grant
Park. Great way to meet people. There’s a dance lesson first, and then
live music afterwards. That’s when all the really good dancers come
out as well as us beginners. Anyway, this particular time I went was
for salsa dance. Oh, how I love to salsa. May not be the best at it,
but I do try. After the lesson, I spot my friend Sue and we chat for a
bit…that’s when the music starts…I tell her I gotta get off the
floor because I don’t have a partner. She quickly grabs John,
introduces us, and away we go…WM, very tall, very nice. We dance for
two songs. Interesting that during the second song, a WW comes up and
just stares at us. I mean she’s like 2 feet in front of us…the only
one not dancing, just staring at US. John looks at her like she’s
crazy and we continue our dance…afterwards we exchange numbers and
have just became good dance partners. Sometimes that’s what it’s
about…just having fun.

#3 New Post:
The Taste of Chicago was excellent this year, despite the incident
that happened with the shooting and the young black males. I won’t
even get into that because I don’t want to dwell on negativity. What I
do want to talk about is the BW/WM couples I saw. Wow. Sistas ain’t
playing! I was overjoyed. There were so many couples I saw! But of
course, there were the single sistas. The ones that looked
disapprovingly at those couples. Oh well. Despite the many BW/WM
couples I saw, there were many many MANY more BM/WW couples.
Sistas….Sistas…this BM don’t care about us. Time for us to wake
up…seriously.

#4 New Post:
The other day I went to a tourist trap called Exclaibur. This club has
been around since forever. Okay place, mixed crowd. Anyway me and
three other women were by the bar talking to the bartender. He was
really really good looking. Anyway after a few drinks someone asks if
he would ever date a BW. He was a tall, WM, great body. He looked at
us and said I am now! He told us that he dates all types of women, he
was engaged to an Asian woman but it didn’t work out. He said he
doesn’t discriminate like that. All women are beautiful. (Now of
course someone can go there and be negative and say “Well he is a
bartender and he’s just trying to get you to spend more money.” Be
negative if you want…it’s it working for you? The negativity…is
that working?)

So later on, I’m dancing by myself. Yes, I said by myself…if I was
to wait on one of the BM there to ask me, I wouldn’t be dancing like
my two other girlfriends. As I’m dancing this non black man comes up
to me and we start to dance. One of the girls I was with had a
disapproving look on her face because I was dancing with him. Men
asked her to dance but because they weren’t black she declined. After
a few songs, we go and sit and talk. He’s from India. He buys me a
drink and later we exchange numbers. Of course as we’re talking I see
a black couple just staring us down. Come on! I mean seriously, what
difference does it make to them what I’m doing? I looked at the couple
as if to say “Yes, I’m talking to THE MAN FROM INDIA and I don’t care
what you have to say about it.” I had a great time dancing with my non
black man. Why be miserable because a BM won’t ask you to dance? There
are plenty non black males that are ready to step up. Let them!

#5 New Post:
The other day, I walked into my bank and waited for a teller. As I
approched the counter I heard a voice “Well hello, how are you today?”
I looked to my right and smiled and said, “I’m good how are you?” Now,
I really didn’t look at the guy. I just knew that he worked in the
bank and was just a greeter…you know sorta like at Walmart where
they greet you as you come in. Didn’t think nothing of it…until I
heard, “So, are you ready for the holiday?” By this time I was at the
counter and had filled out a slip and gave it to the teller to
complete my transaction. I heard “So, are you ready for the holiday?”
but I didn’t think he was talking to ME…but in fact he was. In fact,
he had bypassed everyone else and was standing close to me at the
counter. Let me describe him. WM, longish blond hair, blue eyes…my
eyes sorta glanced down to check out if he had a wedding ring on. No
ring…well alright! I told him I was pretty much ready for the
holiday and asked him if he was. He said he had tentative plans and
then… proceeded to tell me his plans. Within that short amount of
time, I learned that he is divorced, has a daughter, plays golf, has a
friend who has a rooftop condo where he can watch the firewords, owns
a building, and he’s pretty handy around the house because he does the
maintence on the place. Whew! Now let me tell you, as he’s telling me
all of this I am not acting like “Why is he telling me this?” In fact,
I’m being very open and receiving to the information. I think, no,
know that’s why he talked to me. Well needless to say the conversation
had to end at some point. We told each other to have a good 4th of
July. Nope, didn’t get his number and he didn’t ask for mine. I figure
that there’s plenty of time for that…the bank is in the same
building as my job…so potentially I could see him every day if I
wanted…we’ll see.

#6
Change the attitude, you will see results. I know that many BW PREFER
BM, but you must realize that if a good non black man wants to talk to
you. Talk to him, date him. BM are not thinking about us BW. They are
dating out and enjoying it. So why shouldn’t we?

Hi CW

Regarding my event at the end of the month. I am still going, and
definitely looking forward to it. Even more so since I had a
conversation between me and my ww “friend” that will be also
attending. First to give you some background on this event – people
get together at this bar, play board games, and socialize. They hold
these about every other month, and it’s been getting alot of positive
press. It’s in part of the city where it’s a pretty diverse crowd, so
I believe this would be an excellent choice to start my journey. Okay
on to the conversation: Like every event these days, they have a
website with photos. I’m on the phone with my “friend” and she says
“Let me check out the photos and see if there’s some interesting guys
there.” I say “Okay, I can’t get online so just tell me what you see.”
She says” Oh, they look pretty decent.” I say “Oh good.” Then I hear a
“UM, wait…” “What?” I say. “Weeeeellll, there’s only ONE BLACK GUY.
Yeah, yeah, just one…” I say, “That’s okay, you know I don’t care
about that…” She says, “Weeeeeeeeeellll I just want you to have a
choice.” It was all I could do not to say “Honey, I do HAVE A CHOICE.
Every WM that I choose will be my choice.” I couldn’t believe her. And
still don’t. I told my other friend I’m definitely going to just make
her mad and kiss every WM I can find. LOL! Okay not really, I’m just
venting right now. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. And I am sure there
will be many other comments to come. But I thought I would share this
with you. Talk to you soon!

Traci in Chicago————————————————————————————————————

Traci In Chicago

Regarding my event at the end of the month. I am still going, and
definitely looking forward to it. Even more so since I had a
conversation between me and my ww “friend” that will be also
attending. First to give you some background on this event – people
get together at this bar, play board games, and socialize. They hold
these about every other month, and it’s been getting alot of positive
press. It’s in part of the city where it’s a pretty diverse crowd, so
I believe this would be an excellent choice to start my journey. Okay
on to the conversation: Like every event these days, they have a
website with photos. I’m on the phone with my “friend” and she says
“Let me check out the photos and see if there’s some interesting guys
there.” I say “Okay, I can’t get online so just tell me what you see.”
She says” Oh, they look pretty decent.” I say “Oh good.” Then I hear a
“UM, wait…” “What?” I say. “Weeeeellll, there’s only ONE BLACK GUY.
Yeah, yeah, just one…” I say, “That’s okay, you know I don’t care
about that…” She says, “Weeeeeeeeeellll I just want you to have a
choice.” It was all I could do not to say “Honey, I do HAVE A CHOICE.
Every WM that I choose will be my choice.” I couldn’t believe her. And
still don’t. I told my other friend I’m definitely going to just make
her mad and kiss every WM I can find. LOL! Okay not really, I’m just
venting right now. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. And I am sure there
will be many other comments to come. But I thought I would share this
with you. Talk to you soon!Traci in Chicago

Interracial relationships.
Honestly I never thought I would want to be involved in one. Why?
Because I didn’t believe that wm found bw attractive. Period. Or if
they did it was from a purely sexual standpoint. Where, you might ask,
did I get this ridiculous view point? Not the view point of being sex
object, but the view point of bw not having ANY positives to offer
besides sex. Well that’s a good question. Dare I say that in some way
bw have been conditioned to believe certain things about ourselves and
how people relate to us? Hmmm… maybe I’m thinking too deep about this issue.

Or maybe not.

—————————————————————————————————————

Anyway I’ve decided to do something new…and try to be open to the
other possiblities in my life. There was a time when if he wasn’t a bm
I wouldn’t look his way…I don’t know where I got this from but I
just know that’s how I was growing up. As I got older I started to
look at wm more and more and I have suddenly come to terms that I am
strongly attracted to wm. Perhaps I always have been and I have been
surpressing it all these years. So now…does that make me a traitor?
sellout? Am I not black enough? Am I trying to be white? I wonder if
these questions come into bm minds when they date outside their race?
I seriously doubt it. Right now I am looking at the standpoint that I need to be open to all
my choices that I have and not sell myself short. I cannot allow
myself to limit myself. I think we as bw need to get our self esteem
in check and understand that we are in fact deserving of love no
matter what color it comes in. And we have SO MUCH to offer to the
right man, regardless of skin color.

So that’s where I’m at right now…The interesting thing about this is that I am currently not in a
relationship yet…so…we’ll just see how this goes.
CW this will be my journey that I will write to you…of my doubts,
fears, frustrations…of trying to date interracially in Chicago.

I’ll keep you posted!

————————————————————————————————

Hello CW!!!

First of all, that event that I was supposed to go to was
canceled…however I am attending another one (something similar) on
Friday! Should be a good time…I will let you know how that
goes…okay…

Well let me tell you, understanding what you need to do and then
actually DOING it are two totally different things. Understanding that
bw need to open ourselves up to ALL quality men, and then actually
BEING open to them is a big step. I know right now for me it is. At
this point, I feel incredibly vulnerable. But I’m trying to work
through that. Dating in itself is hard, trying to date
interracially…hmmm…harder, maybe? So, does that mean that because
something is hard to do, I don’t do it? No…if anything I NEED to do
it, I MUST do it. Because if I don’t, will I ever find what I am
looking for? If I limit myself? Nope. So…

I was in my building the other day and a man came up to me and said
“You’re beautiful…where is your boyfriend?” I said I don’t have one.
He asked me, “Well why not?” I said I just don’t. Then he asked me out
for coffee. My instinctive “NO, I can’t.” was on the tip of my tongue.
(But you see I couldn’t say that…because I had already given away
my excuse, he already asked if I had a boyfriend/husband and I said
NO…so he felt it was safe…pretty sneaky huh?) So, like I said I
was going to say no…and you know why right? Because he wasn’t a bm.
Period. Point. Blank. Not a bm. So by saying “No” that was just my
first instinct…NO, NOPE, Hell NO! (See what I mean by understanding
what you need to do and actually doing it….)

But I just stopped myself, and looked at him. You know, really looked
at him to see if he was serious (and he was very serious) and so I
breathed really slowly and I said “Yes. Here you are.” He called and
we went for coffee…he was a nice guy but just not my type. And I
realize that not every man I meet is going to be perfect, but I really
don’t think that’s the lesson I needed to learn. I think I learned
that I needed to get out of my own way do things that will impact me
positively and by being open to all quality men is what I need to do.

Anyway I just thought I would share that with you.

You know there is alot of talk on some blogs about bw not being
attractive and that nonBM don’t look their way. Well somebody needs to
tell the wm,am and hm in Chicago. Now, don’t get me wrong ChiTown is
not as diverse as NYC or some other places, but when I walk around, I
do alot of people watching. I look at what people are looking at and
whose looking at whom…it’s quite interesting. Anyway, I’ve noticed
alot of wm, am, hm check out bw. These women are attractive and in
many different shades and colors. CW, I don’t know why some of us
don’t think that we aren’t attractive. We are! We really need to start
focusing on ourselves and developing our inner and outer beauty and
making that shine! We are a gift to this world! I just wanted to say
that really quickly!

Traci

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04-15-08

Hello CW

It’s been awhile, but I must keep you up-to-date even though not many
things have been happening (yet)…I believe due to the cold Chicago
weather. Anyway, last weekend, I went to a blues club with a few
friends. Of course we were the only BW in the place (why is that?).
Okay so you may wonder why we decided to go to a blues club when we
knew we would be in the minority? Well it’s about trying to get
ourselves exposed to new things and basically going to where they are.
And by doing that I am slowly conquering a few fears of mine.

Now I do have to say that before I got to the club I knew we would be
the only black women there and I was a little apprehensive. Which is
something that I think I have been conditoned to feel: That WM will
look at us like we had the plague, or ask us what were were doing
here. But everything seemed fine. There were no hostile stares or
whispers.

In fact, WM are looking at us, in the “I would like to get to know
you” sort of way. I caught several glancing at our table, smiling. My
friend was being stared at by a nice looking WM but she couldn’t
believe that he was looking at her. I told her Yes, he was looking at
you…and admiring. But we were in a small tiny space and the band was
LOUD…so I don’t think that made for a good way to actually meet
someone. But the vibe was definitely cool.

After we left I shared some of my views with a few of the ladies
regarding interracial dating. And surprisingly they agreed. So we
basically have devised a plan to get ourselves out there more and be
open. Having a positive experience at this club defintely helped.
Summertime in Chicago is beautiful. Lots and lots of things to do and
see, from dancing in the park to symphonies in the pavillion, tons of
art shows, wine tastings…lots of cultural events. So…I’ll keep you
posted!
Oh something I forgot to mention. At the blues club we were sitting
next to a WM/BW couple. When the band began to play a really slow
blues song, a brunette WW came out of nowhere and started dancing
really seductively on the dance floor. Of course all the men stopped,
stared, salivated, etc.etc. When her boyfriend came out to dance with
her, a man from the bar looked at him and shouted “Man, you know
you’re gonna have some good sex tonight!” The boyfriend agreed and
smiled stupidly. And of course she just giggled. But what I found
interesting was that the WM we were sitting next to, turned around to
our table and said loudly “See that’s why I don’t date white
women…they’re sluts!” I was like damn. And turns out “boyfriend” had
a wedding ring on and she didn’t have a ring at all…so…you put two
and two together.

Traci in Chicago

Well even though I haven’t been focusing too much on dating…I actually have a date! This Indian man I met last year contacted me and wants to reconnect. He went to Argentina last year and now he’s back in the states. Pretty good for someone that has been into other hobbies. Maybe it’s true what they say…when you’re not looking that’s when he comes around?

I met a BW the other day who lives in between France and Italy and visits the US every few months. She was quite fascinating. She was saying how nice it was in France. She encourgaged me to go or at least think about it. This is something that I’ve been wanting to do so I’m definitely going to figure out an action plan. Things seem so much easier when you have someone in front of you that has actually done it. She said to me: Life is an experience. Alot of things I do, I just want to experience it and see if I can do it and if it’s for me. If it’s not I quickly move on…there is so much life out there to explore.

Just wanted to pass that on and to congratulate you again on your wedding! Details!

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Okay