So One Christian Woman Writes Another…
This is an actual account of two Christian women exchanging correspondence in reference to Black women finding love and learning how to be married…The exchange spurned from Ruth being invited to a teleseminar reference marriage preparation & having a successful marriage…Being a newlywed myself, I take a great interest in the matter…My heart is always open to counsel on keeping the family together…Time and time again I am let down by Black women in leadership positions who do not tell it like it is…Cowardly is how I would describe those who draws huge audiences of single BW, yet keep them on a merry-go-round…A BW guru must surely know the numbers just are not there…Yet some do not want to ‘make waves’ by bringing up a nasty little thing like the TRUTH, inconvenient as it may be…My question is do they even care?…I have a hunch their BW audiences continue to buy “MEssence” magazine’s eligible bachelor issue clinging to false hope…
Names of websites, publication titles and people have been changed to protect the innocent…Let’s just call the two ladies “Ruth” & “Orpah”...As we read on the reasoning behind this will become clear to many…This is a brief overview of what Orpah is offering to mainly a BW audience:
- Attract a loyal, loving and protective man by Awaiting2BAWife
- Avoid countless heartache by eliminating men in your life who only serve to keep you from sincere love.
- Be single but overcoming feelings of loneliness and emptiness by pursuing your true purpose to one day share with your husband
- Much more!
Another Message To Non-Christian As Well As Christian Women
This is followup to the post “Message To Christian Women – Pull Up A Chair” …One may either click on this link before or after reading this post…To Christian women: Remember to put your relationship with God before anyone’s doctrine…I challenge everyone to research and contemplate ALL messages (Including mine)…We should look to His word in our daily lives, in good times and bad…
To Non-Christians: I realize that there are many who are poor representatives of The Kingdom…I can be one of them at times…One of the main stumbling blocks which keeps people from knowing God…There is a lot of confusion…I also want the reader to know that everyone who professes Faith is not lockstep with one another…
To All: The following letters are for your consideration…Please feel free to share your thoughts…
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Dear Ruth,
This is the last email reminder you’ll receive about the
teleseminar tonight.
I’m excited to be able to share with you tonite during
“How Do I Know…?”
Make sure you have pen and paper ready to jot down the things I’ll
be sharing in this call.
WHEN: November 13, 2009 from 6:30pm to 8:00pm PST (9:30pm – 11:00pm EST).
To call in, dial (724) 444-9999 with access code 70154
Can’t wait to talk with you then!
Orpah-Founder, Awaiting2BAWife
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Dear Ruth,
I hope you enjoyed the call as much as I enjoyed sharing with you.
You ladies are awesome, and I am humbled that you were encouraged
by the call tonight.
Remember Ruth, if you want to participate in the
“Wife______Transformation” program, there is still time to register before the sale ends tomorrow, 11/14/09 at noon.
To begin your “Wife______Transformation” program right now, click on
http://www.Wife______Transformationprogram.com.If you missed the call, a recording will be made available for you
to purchase. More information on that coming soon.I look forward to sharing with you again.
Sincerely,
Orpah
Awaiting2BAWife
http://www.Awaiting2BeeAWife.com
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Hi Orpah,
Thanks for following up with the email. I congratulate you on your success with the blog, book and your marketing campaign. I wanted to let you know I did enjoy the call and hearing your commentary and listening to the ladies but made a few observations…. I decided at the last minute to propose a question to you about interracial marriage. I noticed your hesitancy to answer and when I heard your response, and I was not pleased.
I am the founder and CEO of “______Black Brides”, (to launch around Thanksgiving). I research and contribute a bit to the interracial blogs. Many black women are starting to look outside the black community for mates so they ask questions and seek like minded sisters in the process. I and several of the Ivy League bloggers have pointed several to your common sense site and pushed your book, conference (in PA) and teleseminars. (This was based solely on my recommendation that you made so much sense). We can all use this information, but you are doing your readers and followers a disservice by dissuading interracial marriage.
We would have to be living on Mars to know that we as Americans still don’t have a ways to go in this country regarding race relations. The truth is we will always have racism and it should not be a reason for NOT considering white or non black men for quality husbands. And to give the example of having to explain that you didn’t get that job or promotion because you are black to someone who doesn’t understand is not totally honest nor does it represent the majority of situations.
Not only are there white men (wm) who would understand, but they would encourage their wives to keep their heads up and succeed in spite of discrimination and prejudices. After all, wm married to bw will also face stigma, discrimination, racism and sometime danger for their very lives. So why in the world wouldn’t he understand? I could hear the women anxiously awaiting your response. You have to know Orpah that you shattered their hopes and shut them down with your disapproval. These women were counting on you and your wisdom for guidance and again I say you let them down. You know the situation is grim for some sisters and to further encourage them to wait on a black man is a travesty when you see the current situation of the black community. You may want to watch the last episode of “The Amazing Race15″ and watch how humble and patient and super loving this wm (Brian) is to his angry and frustrated bw (Ericka former Miss America 2004) wife during one leg of the race in the Netherlands. That is love by any stretch of the imagination. This clip shows how much of a man Brian really is and how much love he loves and would sacrifice for his wife. Ericka’s mother won’t even accept her wm husband and has disrespected them for over 2 years of marriage and during their courtship. That is shameful.
Some of us thought your recent “WAIT On the Lord” blog was brilliant and even linked the blog on their sites. This is another reason I decided to listen in on the teleseminar so I could refer sisters to partake in your 4 week course. But you really don’t have black women’s entire best interests at heart if you don’t steer these ladies to expand their options and look everywhere God may lead them to find a mate. Since you claim to have a Bible based view of marriage, it would be one thing if you could provide scripture for your thinking and theories. But your ideas are strictly your opinions to which you are fully entitled. But the Bible says nothing about not marrying interracially. As a matter of fact, it mentions that Moses married and Ethiopian wife and you know what happened to Miriam when she criticized it don’t you?
You are so great at quoting other scriptures again as that is the basis of your entire blog, book, marketing. etc. I just hope that you will open your mind to the possibility of even expanding your message to include seeking out non black men for your readers. The reality is that the majority of bw are single and sisters have to start taking control of their lives and being responsible for their own happiness. On the IR blogs, all that is being said is to look for a quality man regardless of his race.
And I know all about Paul’s message to the Corinthians about being unequally yoked. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 It is a warning, not a commandment and it has to do with religion not race as many people throw up this scripture in error when referring to IR marriage.
I agree with the passage, but I also know Christians married to non believers of the same race and they are doing fine as well as their children. I am married interracially and fortunately for me we shared the same faith. That was more important than the race issue believe me. But I still do know Christians who have won their spouses to God with love, prayer, patience and understanding. Paul’s words are not to be taken lightly. God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?… 1 Corinthians 7:16.
Even if we are unequally yoked, we are still subject to God’s word in our roles within the marriage. If both parties are doing as they should, then things can go a lot more smoothly although our faith and patience will at times be tried. They are tried even when going well with same race spouses and our strength helps us through these times with God’s help. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13.
It appeared to me that you Orpah are a respecter of persons with regard to interracial marriage. I am sure you know about Peter’s revelation of favoritism or discrimination against others based on their race or nationality. “Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.” Acts 10:34. If God is not a respecter of persons, then why should we be? James warns about harboring prejudices (or showing favoritism) very clearly in chapter 2:1-13.
Many white and black people have had to check themselves because of the racial prejudice in their hearts. I don’t know how people think they are going to Heaven with some of the hatred they have for other races in their heart. Yet they are in church every Sunday and mid week Bible study as if they are wholly following God’s word. God is not going to say to them “Welcome home, good and faithful servant.” He is going to be saying “Depart from me, I never knew you.” He is going to say it to a whole bunch of white and black folks alike. We understand there are racial issues but again, true love can find its way to anyone who has sincere love for another human being regardless of race.
As I said earlier, we as black people know the society in which we live, we as black women further know the complicated issues we face among our own in our communities. It is no coincidence that more than 70% of sisters are unmarried and really would like to be. Based on the 2008 estimated population stats found at census.gov; enen if every Black man in America (between the ages of 25-64) married a Black woman, over 1.7 million Black women will still be without mates if other options are not considered. Fleace Weaver, founder of the “Free Your Mind” seminar series quotes: “If interracial dating should not be an option, what solution would you offer these women other than sharing a man or living alone?”
2008 African-American estimated population found on census.gov
Female, Ages 25-64: 20,419,202
Male Ages, 25-64: 18,639,632
(Visual Aid: CW adds the “Free Your Mind” banner!)
You cannot ignore these in-your-face facts. We didn’t make them up. We also didn’t ask for the current situation on race relations in this country. But we can enjoy, Christian interracial relationships. Even non Christian interracial relationships can be enjoyed as I know sisters who have married Hindi (India)Muslim (Lebanese, Bengali, Iranian) and Jewish (Israel, Russian) Buddhist (Chinese, Korean, Japanese) men and they with their children and families are very happy.
Now I realize still that interracial marriage is not for everybody, I would just hope that you take time to consider what you are advising women. Yes they are grown and can make up their own minds eventually but as you have grown your business giving advice to women ready for marriage, you are short changing them by this God and nothing but a black man thinking. The God part is great, but the nothing but a black man thinking is unfair to women who need to expand their options. They need to be advised to vet their men carefully and choose a good, quality man regardless of race and not to just seek out black men. I realize this is your blog and you can do as you please. You don’t have to respond to me or ever hear from me again.
I hope that you are not angered by my letter to you. I just had to voice my concern with the call and your obvious stance on this issue. You could be a mighty alliance with my site (I was going to offer you a free 6 month ad on my site) and the blogs as they have earned mainstream credibility. They are often contacted by the mainstream media (CNN, FOX, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, TV and Radio etc) countless producers, movie directors, screenwriters, talk shows, magazines and blogs for interviews, opinions and help. I have answered many PR calls myself and it would have been great to consider you an ally. I don’t think you are interested but that is ok. I again just wanted to inform you of my opinions.
Yes, I am married and only listened in to the call because I wanted to start referring of all the single sisters I know and who write in for advice to your site for guidance. I also intended to refer several to you “Wife______Transformation” program but under the circumstances, I can no longer support your efforts. I am not asking you to change. I realize that you don’t need me or any of the bloggers to operate profitably and you feel how you feel, I am just disappointed that you feel the way you do.
I am not asking you to justify or explain your feelings, you are entitled to feel as you do, again, I am just disappointed that you are not advising some vulnerable sisters who need to explore all of their options, to look outside the black community for a Godly, quality mate who could make them happy. Some will still marry black men, they just need to be aware of all their options. That’s all.
Sincerely,
Ruth
PS: In case you don’t know about the Ivy League bloggers, here are some of their links. Again, none of them is a black male basher. They all know and love wonderful black men. But they are stating facts as seen and lived daily in our communities. The Ivy Leaguers don’t always *agree 100% with each other, but they all give no nonsense, common sense advice to sisters looking to find love wherever it may be found regardless of race.
(*CW: For example I don’t believe Christians should necessarily marry Buddhists or other religions which may conflict with those beliefs…But opening oneself up to ALL skin colors will greatly increase a woman’s chance of finding a quality mate!)
Many accuse them of being sell-outs, pushing white men on sisters just for the sake of having a wm; or claim that these bloggers think that white men are the panaceas and once with a wm that bw will never have problems again. That is a lie and just plain silly. Again, these bloggers offer common sense advice to sisters who want to expand their dating pools. It is as simple as that. I hope you check them out for yourself and see — with an open mind. (You may find a link or two to your last blog, but they won’t be there for long based on your views and opinions. Then again, you may not want to be affiliated with the blogs anyway based on their views and opinions). I do wish you the best.
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Ruth,
I realize you are very passionate about your feelings regarding interracial marriage. Although I understand that everyone should choose their own mate, and I do believe that race should not be a hindrance, there are still people who view others based on their race, and I don’t want to women to believe that because there are many African-Americans in jail, etc. that the obvious option is to date men of other races.
Unlike the woman who asked the question, and has been pursued by Caucasian men, many women who look at the statistics are not facing lack of men, but are ignoring available men in their own circle of influence.
I applaud you for championing your cause, and pray that God would continue to lead and guide you in your marriage, and those you encourage on your web site.
Blessings,
Orpah
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CW: More Scripture for the reader to contemplate
Galatians 2:6
But of these who seemed to be somewhat, (whatsoever they were, it maketh no matter to me: God accepteth no man’s person:) for they who seemed to be somewhat in conference added nothing to me:
Romans 2:11
For there is no respect of persons with God.
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CW Writes:
Ruth…You made your position clear, compelling and most of all respectful…A lot of BW are like trained cattle who will not dare cross an invisible fence….Fear of upsetting the applecart often clouds judgment…Despite the dire statistics, those in a leadership role would rather lead us to slaughter than step out in REAL FAITH!
-CW
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CW: BW are continuously sent out to the dating arena as the one-armed paperhanger…So in the very likely event this endeavor results in a FAIL, we can easily say that same woman somehow “screwed it up”….
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Thanks CW. I knew you would see through to the underlying issue. What the? Despite the dire statistics, those in a leadership role would rather lead us to slaughter than step out in REAL FAITH! You got that right! I just can’t get over hearing the anticipation from the callers waiting for her response. It got very quiet as they eagerly awaited Orpah’s answer just to have the idea ripped apart in front of them. I hope these ladies can think for themselves, take what they can from Orpah’s good advice and keep it moving.
The sad thing is that Orpah represents the majority. You Ivy Leaguers are the minority but the perseverance is really paying off. Loves it!
Have a good evening as it is only 7:30 there (I think).
I am glad that Orpah was not bitter by my letter, but her response below proves that she just does not get it and I will not engage in any further dialog. I am glad that Orpah did not appear to harbor any ill feelings, but something tells me that I will see something on her site addressing this issue soon.
Ruth
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CW: We spoke too soon….Orpah follows up:
Ruth,
Just read your entire email, and wanted to share with you a few things.
Number one — I don’t promote women looking for men. I promote women responding to the men who are interested in them. And if a woman sees the world the same way as a man, irregardless of their race, then they have the bases for a loving marriage.
Now, my position in the arena of relationships and marriage is to prepare women for what they will experience once they are in their respective marriages. And I enjoy doing it, because if you are prepared for what is ahead, you can respond more effectively in life.
Therefore, my response to your question wasn’t to dissuade women from responding to men of other races. My response was to expose to the listeners the realities of what they may encounter as they build families and homes with people of other cultures, ideas, and ways of living.
And if they are prepared to handle what will be a new experience for them, they will be more successful in their homes, as I am sure you are in yours.
Marriage isn’t easy — the state of our African-American community is painful to live in. But the solution to our problems is not the run after another race, but to seek purpose, and accept whomever God sends to us, because with them we can fulfill our purpose as one. I chose to believe that you sought purpose, and God brought you and your husband together. And you will experience so much together, because of your purpose to fulfill in your life.
My web site is not in response to the growing number of black women who are single, or the enormous amount of Christian women who are single. My web site, blog, and everything else is a response to the lack of marital education that exists in our world today. That’s why I don’t reference cultural or social issues in my post. I always keep to the Truth, foundated by the Word of God, because the Truth will help everyone at the same time — irregardless of their race.
You could have emailed me to discuss this further, or scheduled to speak to me on the phone, but you chose to judge me based on a few sentences on a 2 hour call. You assumed that I didn’t support interracial marriages, because I didn’t respond in total elation, and I never do that with any situations presented to me. My job is to make sure you’re prepared for the challenges of life, so that you can enjoy its rewards.
If you’d like to use a biblical reference to encourage the women you encourage on your web site, then consider the story of Esther. Here is a woman who had to learn a new way of life, to be a suitable wife for her husband. And her husband the king, after learning her true heritage, had to respond to her needs as a Israelite, and not at the queen. That’s what it takes to be married to someone of another culture. It takes application to what that person needs, and you may have to learn and accept different ways of living, instead of trying to erase them.
You are a powerful woman, who shares with many others in your life. Please don’t make the mistake of assuming that others reject you or your life choices, because you then put yourself in the same position you accuse them of being in. You pre-judge them.
God Bless You,
Orpah
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CW: Notice whenever someone obfuscates the heart of the matter it is always for our own protection?…Please!…Where are the advocates for Black women in church who are like sitting ducks for predators mindlessly heeding the “wait” doctrine?
*Update* Another has witnessed this exchange and wants to share a message…Naomi chimes in & responds to Ruth:
Ruth,
I’m not even going to read that ignorant mess. As long as a woman is marrying a man and not an alien or animal she IS marrying within her “race”. There is only ONE race of humans called Homo sapiens. ”Race” is societally influenced and a construct. 1/3rd of all white Americans have African ancestry that is detectable on DNA tests. More than 1/3rd of black Americans have European ancestry that is detectable on DNA tests. Nearly ALL Hispanic identified people from the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Cuba, and elsewhere have genetically detectable (and often physically detectable to the naked eye) African-Ancestry. Same with Sicilians, Arabs, Portuguese, and other non black identified groups.
So… the mixing has ALREADY taken place. Most new world people are simply not “pure” anymore if you go back far enough. This “race” business is socially constructed and determined.
IMO Any BW listening to this mess about so-called “racial loyalty” SMH must not really be THAT upset about their single status.
People who are truly upset and concerned DO something about their situation to alleviate the distress.
So… Apparently enough single BW have simply accepted their fate. Which is their right. BUT, IMO they shouldn’t feel angry or bitter about a situation that CAN be changed if they change their attitude and loyalties.
To my knowledge there’s not ONE BM anywhere encouraging BM to marry these BW their using sexually. Not ONE BM schooling BM on how to be better husbands – or husbands period – and fathers. Well there is Bill Cosby. That’s one. Ya’ll get my point.
You’d have to be imbecilic to not see that there’s a double standard here.
And why a woman would even associate with someone or group who holds her in less value – or even no value – is beyond me.
I guess it’s all a symptom of low self-esteem. That’s why BW REALLY need to be more particular about who they allow into their lives. It should be on a one on one basis based on reciprocity and fairness. Instead of this “group” nonsense.
Because it’s apparent to me that most of the “group” don’t care if BW self-actualize or not. The “group” is too focused on BM’s interest over BW. So what exactly does a BW get from being focused on a population/”group” that doesn’t have her self-interest in mind to begin with?SMH
It’s stupid.
-Naomi
And for those who want to get more scientific, Naomi provides the evidence:
About the 1/3rd of white Americans part…
How do Ancestry-Informative Autosomal DNA Markers Relate to “Racial” Appearance?
About one-third of White Americans are of between two and twenty percent recent African genetic admixture, as measured by the ancestry-informative markers in their DNA.19 This comes to about 74 million Americans. And yet, day-to-day experience teaches that virtually all White Americans look, well, White. Some may look more Mediterranean and others may look more Nordic, but very few White Americans have a distinctively African appearance. How can one reconcile DNA measurements with common experience?
An anecdote may help illustrate the problem. Look again at the chart of Skin Tone as Function of Afro-European Admixture. Consider one of the graph’s outlier points—a “European American” individual plotted as having 11 percent20 African genetic admixture. Dr. Shriver, the project team leader, became curious about this individual for two reasons. First, the person’s African genetic admixture was unusually high for someone who self-identified as a member of the U.S. White endogamous group. Second, the sample had been taken from State College, Pennsylvania, the site of Dr. Shriver’s own campus.21 According to Dr. Shriver:
I had the result for two or three years before I even looked up the ID number of the person whom we tested. I looked at who it was and it was me! I checked myself and the rest of my relatives and tracked it through my family. I never considered that there were any African people in my family. There’s no real variation in my family. The admixture must have been pretty far back. It just so happens that we can detect it with the markers we have. My mom especially stood out as being surprised, maybe because I told her it was coming through her father. She still doesn’t believe it about her family! The part of Pennsylvania where my mother’s father came from is where the Underground Railroad ended. There are several towns right here in Southern Pennsylvania where there are very light-skinned African-American communities that are the remnants of the Underground Railroad.22






















